Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
