??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
