Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
