I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
