At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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