i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
