even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
