I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
