there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize