Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
