She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
