sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
