yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
