Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
