Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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