Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
