She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
