So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize