YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
