If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
