she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
