Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
