im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize