I'm so fucking centered right now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
