chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize