Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
