he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
