Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
