that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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