Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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