oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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