Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
