We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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