i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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