Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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