half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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