Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
