I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
