why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
