I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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