I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
