The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
