She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want to fling myself into the sun
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize