dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
