I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
