Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
