I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
