Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
