Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
