So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
