I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
did you just send me my own nude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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