Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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