I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We just shotgunned beers for America
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
