The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
