I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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