i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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