I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
