If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
