We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize