just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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