I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
