I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
