Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
