you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
