How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
