I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
