My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
