ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
