Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
