so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
