I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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