She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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