New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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