You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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