Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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