In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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