We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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