I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
